You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
