You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
