I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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