if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
