I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
