We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
