I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Is it penis luge time yet?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize