I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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