Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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