I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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