dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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