I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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