Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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