I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
