My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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