the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
