Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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