there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
