You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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