Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
