Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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