Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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