i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
