im gay
i know
yea but for you.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
