I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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