Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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