When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
