Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
this is an emotional support booty call
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
