Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
