so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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