you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize