I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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