Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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