that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
