Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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