I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
