She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
