sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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