Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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