I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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