just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
