I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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