You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
