dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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