Soap is not a condiment
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
They took my balls.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
