I like my sex mixed with concussions.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
