we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
