i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
