While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she looked like the before picture.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
