found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
