The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
