Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
