I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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