So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dignity is for republicans.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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