does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize