check it out our google latitudes are spooning
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
