is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
