All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
