Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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