I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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