its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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