woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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