well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize