Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
