Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
