Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
