either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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