Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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