she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
