YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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