did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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