Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
