I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm too high and old for this...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize