we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
