is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
