I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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