Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
