and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
