STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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