Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
