sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize