he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
