you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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