i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
