i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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