I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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