I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
ttyl tear gas
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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