There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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