I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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