I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
