Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
