nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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