if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
